


Love is Poison

by RebelleCrown



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Heavy Angst, am I even coherent at this point?, angst-apades, angsty angst angst angst, night two, not in real life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:53:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25126552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebelleCrown/pseuds/RebelleCrown
Summary: “Tell me why you love her. Tell me why she’s worth destroying yourself for.”“She is my equal, and I would fight at her side...dieat her side...” He cleared his throat. “I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. Drawn in by the challenge in her eyes, and I... I saw the pain underlying it and realised I needed to stay. I saw so much more, and realised I never wanted to leave."Nessian angst fic.
Relationships: Nesta Archeron/Cassian
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	Love is Poison

**Author's Note:**

> It's almost midnight, even though I'm sick, but the concept of self care is utterly lost on me, so here. Night two of my Nessian angst-apades.

“Do you even know what love feels like?”

The confession died on his tongue as the sparks in her stormy eyes swallowed him whole. He felt his throat bob; he was never good at hiding. “What?”

Rage sizzled off her like a steaming hotplate - a steaming hotplate under rainfall. She took a step closer, and it was an effort not to yield.

“Do you know what love feels like, Cassian? Do you know what it feels like to be consumed by it, to drown in it, to hate it more than anything but to know it’s just another part of you? Something you can’t get rid of?”

The village boy, he told himself. He’d known there’d been a village boy, when she’d been mortal - she wasn’t talking about him. She wasn’t talking about him.

“Yes,” he said quietly. “I’ve felt it only once. Only once truly.”

Nesta stared at him silently, the way a queen would before the order to behead him would rise.

Her voice lethal, she hissed, “Love is a lie.”

“Not the way you just told it.”

“Love is poison,” she spat. “Love is poison without antidote. If you choose to ignore it, it wrenches in your chest like a baby cries - begging, pleading to be reunited with what it believes to be its other half. And if you give in to it-”  
She stepped in closer, so closer they were sharing breaths, and looked into his eyes. He wasn’t breathing. He couldn’t breathe.

“It destroys you,” she finished. “Tears you to pieces from the inside out.”

“Real love doesn’t do that,” he whispered.

But all that rang in his head was two things - her voice obstinate and unyielding, _Love is poison,_ and whispers from Rhys’s mind, shared in days after Under the Mountain.

_The answer to the riddle... is love._

Her icy mask yielded to a sweet, mocking smile. “Who do you love, then?”

Stormy gray-blue eyes that swirled with mischief, clouds of hatred and cruelty to mask the rains of sorrow and misery within. Sharp features and an aging on her face too far ahead for the rest of her. Something fragile hidden in a blade liable to shatter itself.

Cassian swallowed again. “Tell me about her,” Nesta crooned. “Tell me why you love her. Tell me why she’s worth destroying yourself for.”

Cassian looked at her. Studied her eyes for any trace, any semblance of her knowing she was talking about herself. He began slowly, warily, and waited for her patience to run out.

“Because she is better than me in every way. And she makes _me_ feel better in every way. Because she is my equal, and because I would fight at her side... die at her side...” He cleared his throat. “I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame, Nes. Drawn in by the challenge in her eyes, and I... I saw the pain underlying it and realised I needed to stay. I saw so much more, and realised I never wanted to leave.

“I stayed with her when I knew she hated me. I stayed with her when I knew my presence did nothing, changed nothing, because I needed to see the challenge was still there somewhere. It wasn’t over until she stopped fighting - and I wouldn’t let her.

“When her fight directed elsewhere, though... I thought she might feel what I felt. Might have decided there were better ways for us to spend our time than bantering like our lives depended on it. I let myself be vulnerable, and she didn’t walk away. I’d never done that for another person before.”

Something in her eyes softened, just barely - enough so that anyone who wasn’t wildly infatuated with her might just miss it.

“I don’t know how to be vulnerable around other people,” he said, ragged. “I don’t know how to lay down my shield and just hope I won’t get hurt. But when it comes to you-” it was his turn to lean in close- “you’d better believe I’d take every risk and find the whole damned thing worth it.”

Something in her eyes shuttered.

“You don’t know what vulnerability is,” she breathed, “and you don’t know what pain is, either.”

As she turned sharply to walk away, Cassian knew she didn’t believe it. She’d only said it because she knew they were true of herself, and she was too afraid to find out.

Well, Cassian thought, she’d better add a new item to that list. Because unless it had truly crossed her mind she could lose something that was important to her, above all else...

She didn’t know fear like he did, either.


End file.
